I don’t know what bipolar disorder is like, but this is how I can best describe my own problem. I only mention it because like so many others, his death unleashed a wave of emotions. Mostly of confusion, because how could a man so universally loved feel so alone?
Despite knowing logically that you are loved, it feels as though that love is standing at the doorway waiting to come inside. Or behind an impermeable glass. And you want to touch it, and to feel the embrace of compassion, but one very powerful part of your mind says “you don’t get to have this.”You. Don’t. Get. To. Have. This.
Every day I feel it. Some days are better than others, but for the most part this is it.