In all the logic, I was lost.

Always a pleasure to find like minded, talented artists. (at Cirque Du Rouge Tattoo)

Always a pleasure to find like minded, talented artists. (at Cirque Du Rouge Tattoo)

I’m getting a distinct “come play with us” vibe from this hallway. #saa14  (at Marriott Wardman Park)

I’m getting a distinct “come play with us” vibe from this hallway. #saa14 (at Marriott Wardman Park)

I don’t know what bipolar disorder is like, but this is how I can best describe my own problem. I only mention it because like so many others, his death unleashed a wave of emotions. Mostly of confusion, because how could a man so universally loved feel so alone?

Despite knowing logically that you are loved, it feels as though that love is standing at the doorway waiting to come inside. Or behind an impermeable glass. And you want to touch it, and to feel the embrace of compassion, but one very powerful part of your mind says “you don’t get to have this.”

You. Don’t. Get. To. Have. This.

Every day I feel it. Some days are better than others, but for the most part this is it.

Hats like this, despite not exact, remind me of my Grampa. When my mom asked my grandma why didn’t she dress him with it, she said she wanted to keep it so she’d remember what her viejo smelled like.

Hats like this, despite not exact, remind me of my Grampa. When my mom asked my grandma why didn’t she dress him with it, she said she wanted to keep it so she’d remember what her viejo smelled like.

This little fellow was on the 54th floor today. #beetle (at Bank of America Tower (New York City))

This little fellow was on the 54th floor today. #beetle (at Bank of America Tower (New York City))

Into Long Island #queens & #chryslerbuilding from the 54th floor. More #photography for me. (at One Bryant Park (Bank of America Tower))

Into Long Island #queens & #chryslerbuilding from the 54th floor. More #photography for me. (at One Bryant Park (Bank of America Tower))

Working in #archives and #photography can sometimes take you to strange places, hidden from public access.

Working in #archives and #photography can sometimes take you to strange places, hidden from public access.

Poor little fellow had shuffled from his mortal coil sometime before we came across him. #moth

Poor little fellow had shuffled from his mortal coil sometime before we came across him. #moth

#brooklyn somewhere on 14th Ave. #bike #kids

#brooklyn somewhere on 14th Ave. #bike #kids

#nyc

#nyc

My one complaint with working out: the assumption by others that it is somehow an invitation to talk to me about how my body looks. It’s awkward and makes me not want to work out at all because now I *know* I’m being looked at.

Just let me pump iron in peace!

More of that cool place. #cemetery #heritagesite  (at New Utrecht Cemetery)

More of that cool place. #cemetery #heritagesite (at New Utrecht Cemetery)

I forgot to put my septum piercing away. #dentist

I forgot to put my septum piercing away. #dentist

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